Parenting When the News Feels Unbearable
There is a jarring dissonance that parents across the United States have been experiencing over the last decade. You may have noticed it yourself. Standing in your kitchen, cutting strawberries into safe, bite-sized pieces for a toddler’s breakfast, while simultaneously listening to a news report about families being separated, prices skyrocketing, or violence erupting in spaces that should be safe.
In recent months, the news cycle has felt less like a way to stay informed about our society and more like a constant assault on our security and humanity. We watch ICE shootings and children and families being separated on social media. We read about nations invading sovereign territories, displacing millions, and kidnapping children from their homes. We see images of malnourished children, people injured by natural disasters, and peaceful protesters being attacked by law enforcement.
As a therapist and a mom, I struggle every week while also supporting my clients, trying to reconcile these two worlds: the safe, nurturing cocoon we all are trying to build for our children, and the violent, unpredictable reality of the world. The question I hear most often is "How do I keep them safe?" and "How do I raise them to be good, hopeful people when the world feels so broken?"
As part of my own way of processing this struggle, I decided to write this blog post to explore how to focus those feelings of anxiety, fear, and uncertainty into action. It is about acknowledging the profound mental health toll of parenting during times of global and domestic crisis, and finding a path forward that moves us from paralysis to agency.
The Psychological Toll: Vicarious Trauma and Moral Injury
First, I want to validate the heaviness you are feeling. It is understandable that when you read about children being harmed anywhere in the world, you are experiencing a biological empathy response. This is because during the transition to parenthood, our brains rewire to be hyper-vigilant to threats specifically against children—not just our own, but all children. This is an evolutionary mechanism designed to protect the "village," but in a digital age where we are exposed to the suffering of the entire world, it can lead to a state of chronic nervous system dysregulation.
What many parents are experiencing right now is a form of vicarious trauma—the emotional response of exposure to the traumatic experience of others, as if you are experiencing it yourself. Many individuals in the mental health and medical fields experience vicarious trauma as part of their work and train to manage that experience. As parents, many of us do not have the training or understanding of how to manage vicarious trauma.
In addition, we are also grappling with moral injury. This occurs when we witness events that deeply violate our core moral beliefs, and we feel powerless to stop them. This can lead to feelings of grief, rage, and a cynicism that feels impossible to shake.
Acknowledging this impact is the first step. You are not "too sensitive" or "doomscrolling" just because you are deeply affected by the suffering of others. You are a human being with a functioning empathy system, trying to parent in an inhumane news cycle.
Step One: Regulating the Adult Before Guiding the Child
Before we can decide how or if we are going to talk to our children about the news, or how to take action, we must tend to our own mental health and emotional regulation. Children are co-regulators and are always tuning into the emotional state of their caregivers. If we approach a conversation about world events while we are in a state of panic or despair, our children will absorb the fear rather than the lesson.
When I work with my clients, I try to develop personalized strategies for regulating their specific nervous systems. Here are my top 2 strategies you can try for yourself to help regulate your nervous system.
The "Containment" Strategy
Instead of allowing the news to bleed into every hour of your day via smartphone notifications, try to "contain" your consumption to specific times or specific sources. Perhaps you read or listen to the news for 20 minutes, and then you "close the container." You can also lock out/delete social media and focus on news that’s more neutral in tone through newspapers and magazines. This allows you to be informed without being inundated, preserving your energy, focus, and emotional bandwidth for your family.
Grounding in the Present
When you notice that the headlines are starting to trigger a spiral of catastrophic thinking ("What if that happens here? What if that happens to us?"). You can use grounding techniques to return to the present moment. My personal favorite is the 5-senses grounding techniques. Focus on:
5 things you see
4 things you can touch
3 things you can hear
2 things you can smell
1 thing you can taste
This grounding technique allows you to focus on the present and reminds you that you are currently safe in your surroundings.
Step Two: Age-Appropriate Conversations
A question I hear often from my clients is figuring out how much to share when it comes to difficult topics. Do we shield them entirely? Do we expose them to the truth? The answer is nuanced and depends heavily on your child’s developmental stage and unique temperament.
For the Very Young (Infants to Preschool)
At this age, children do not need to know the specifics of what is happening in the news cycle. Their world is very small, and their primary need is security. However, they will notice your stress. If you are crying or angry after reading the news, it is healthy to narrate your emotions simply without burdening them with the details.
What to say: "Mommy is feeling a little sad (angry, scared, worried, etc.) today because I read about some people who are having a hard time. But I am taking care of my feelings, and I will be okay. I am here to take care of you."
For School-Aged Children (Elementary)
Children at this age are often more aware than we realize. They may hear things at school, with friends, or catch glimpses of the news. Silence can be more terrifying than the truth, as their imaginations will fill in the gaps.
Focus on Safety and Helpers: When discussing scary events, emphasize that there are many adults working hard to help address the problem.
Focus on Fairness: This age group has a keen sense of justice. You can frame issues like deportation or invasion through the lens of fairness. "There are rules that say families should stay together, but right now, some people are not following those rules, and that is hurting families. That is why people are trying to help."
For Older Children and Teens
They likely know the details. They may have seen videos on social media. Your role here is to be a safe harbor for their questions and to help them process the complexity.
Validate their Anxiety: If they are worried about a specific topic, do not dismiss their fears with empty platitudes. Validate that the world can be scary, but remind them of their agency and the specific safety measures in place in their own lives. Including developing a safety plan to address their concerns.
Discuss Media Literacy: Help them understand that the news shows the worst moments, but it does not show the millions of boring, safe moments that happen every day. Teach them how to differentiate between propaganda, news that is meant to elicit certain emotions, and what is a credible/reliable sources of information.
Step Three: Action as an Antidote to Anxiety
One of the most effective ways to combat the feeling of helplessness, both for yourself and your children, is to take action. Psychology tells us that agency is the opposite of trauma. When we feel helpless, we are traumatized. When we feel we can do something, even something small, we build resilience.
However, action looks different for every family. There is no one "right" way to take action. Below is a range of options you can explore to address issues like immigration justice, peace, and equality.
1. Civic Engagement: Using Your Voice
Democracy is a muscle that must be exercised. For many parents, the feeling of powerlessness comes from the belief that decisions are being made for us, not by us. Reclaiming your voice is a powerful therapeutic tool.
Contact Your Representatives: It may feel futile, but consistent pressure matters. Call or write to your local, state, and federal representatives regarding policies on deportation, family separation, or foreign aid. Resources like 5 Calls, Democracy.io, and Find Your Representative make it really easy to find and contact your representative through phone, email, or contact forms.
Involve the Kids: If you have school-aged children, let them see you writing a letter or making a call. Explain why you are doing it. "I am calling our representative to tell them that I think all children should be safe and stay with their parents." This models that when we see something wrong, we speak up.
2. Financial Stewardship: Donating with Intention
If you have the financial means, donating to organizations on the ground is a direct way to alleviate suffering. This can be a family activity.
Research Together: Look for reputable organizations providing legal aid, medical aid, or mental health support to disenfranchised groups. This can be local, state, national, or international. You can also look into donating to organizations that focus on democracy, access to civil rights, and social justice.
The "Allowance" Model: If your children receive an allowance, encourage them to set aside a small portion for a "giving jar." Once a month, let them choose a cause to support. This empowers them to be a helper.
3. The Gift of Time: Volunteering
Volunteering bridges the gap between abstract empathy and concrete action. It connects you to your local community and reminds you that working in the community can promote change.
Local Action: Look for local food banks, refugee resettlement agencies, or community centers that need support.
Family-Friendly Volunteering: It can be hard to volunteer with small children, but simple acts like packing hygiene kits for displaced families or writing cards to seniors can be done from home.
4. Education as Activism: Building an Inclusive Worldview
We cannot always change the headlines today, but we can shape the generation that will write the headlines tomorrow. Raising children who value Equality, Diversity, and Inclusion is a form of long-term activism.
Books are powerful tools for this. By filling your home with stories that humanize people from different backgrounds, you are guiding your children to build empathy and kindness towards others.
Books on Immigration and Belonging: Look for titles that tell the stories of immigrants and refugees from a human-centric perspective. Books like Our World is Our Family by Miry Whitehill and Jennifer Jackson or All are Welcome by Alexandra Penfold can help children welcome others from different backgrounds.
Books on Diversity and Equality: Ensure your bookshelf reflects the world, not just your neighborhood. Books that celebrate different cultures, skin tones, and family structures normalize diversity. Books like We Belong by Laura Purdie Salas or I am Enough by Grace Byers can help children with acceptance of themselves and others.
Books on Feelings and Empathy: Before children can understand complex geopolitics, they must understand emotions. Books that teach emotional intelligence are the foundation of raising a compassionate human. Books like Have You Filled a Bucket Today? by Carol McCloud (there is also a version for younger children called Filled A Bucket) or I am Human by Susan Verde can help children understand their feelings and make choices to show kindness and empathy towards others and themselves.
The Danger of "All or Nothing" Thinking
Many of us can fall into a trap of "all or nothing" thinking regarding engagement in addressing injustice in our world. They feel that if they cannot attend every protest, call every rep, and donate to every organization, they are failing. However, this leads to burnout and, eventually, disengagement.
I encourage a more sustainable and individualized approach. Ask yourself: What is my capacity right now?
For a parent with a newborn, your activism might simply be raising a child with gentleness in a violent world. That is enough.
For a parent with a bit more bandwidth, it might mean a monthly donation or a weekly phone call.
For a parent with older kids, it might mean Saturday morning volunteering.
Your contribution to the world does not have to look like anyone else’s. The goal is not to save the world single-handedly; the goal is to contribute in a small but consistent way that fits your life right now.
When to Seek Support
If you find that the news is still impacting your ability to function. Even if you are engaging in one of these different ways, you are still unable to sleep, experiencing panic attacks, or if your fear for your children is preventing you from allowing them to live their lives, it may be time to seek professional support.
Navigating parenting during these turbulent times is not something you have to do alone. I offer a confidential, safe space where we can process these heavy emotions. We can work together to:
Identify your specific triggers and trauma responses.
Develop personalized coping strategies for "headline stress."
Create a family plan for engagement and action that feels empowering rather than overwhelming.
Explore how your own history influences your reaction to current events.
There is no shame in admitting that the weight of the world is too heavy to carry on your own. My goal is to support you so that you can continue to be the steady, loving presence your children need.
Please reach out to receive more information regarding how we can work together to find balance and peace in your parenting journey.
